Revolutionaries, Gangstas, and Big Macs
by BlackPanthersMJ1958-2009
Summary: In this fic, the gang are all helped through their personal problems through the funny yet effective humor and reasoning of LaQueefa. Pairings: HueyxJazmine, RileyxCindy, LaQueefaxOC. Read & Review!
1. Introduction

It's LaQueefa

Ages:

Huey: 14

Riley: 12

Jazmine:14

Cindy: 14

LaQueefa: 17

Huey's POV

Out of all the many things I loathe about this world, being a teenager is definitely in my top five. Between dealing with ignorant high school drama and Riley and Granddad, I wonder how much it'll take to acquire some peace. The only peace I ever get is sitting on the Hill sitting quietly reflecting on things. Only me and Jazmine go up there, but she hasn't been recently. I wonder what's up with her.

"BOOYYYYY!", I hear Granddad yell. I sigh as I put down the book I was reading. I go to the living room to see what he wants. "Yes, Granddad?". "Where in the hell is your brother?! I told him to be home before 6 in time for dinner. I began to wonder where my brother was, possibly pulling off something stupid yet again with Ed & Rummy. I rolled my eyes and went outside, already knowing. I watched Riley talking to Cindy by the house. I was suspicious about those two. How Riley was so quick to defend her, and vice versa. The competitiveness when it came to basketball. Then it hit me. SMACK! There was a loud thud as I tried to regain my focus.

Everything was a bit blurry, but when my vision was clear again I saw something above dark and big. "Sup nigga, bitches call me LaQueefa", a deep voice said. She was extremely dark, and her face was about the size of a basketball. She had black hair with red streaks and was tied in a ponytail. I also noticed a Big Mac in her hand. She asked, "Nigga, you alright?". "Watch where the hell you're going!, I barked at her. "Nigga, who da f*ck you talking to? My big ass titty almost killed yo ass, and I can do it again", she said before taking a bite of her Big Mac.

"Huey!", I heard Riley yell. Him, Cindy, and Jazmine came running towards me. "You alright man", he asked. "Yeah, I'm fine". "Good…cause that sh*t wuz hella funny!" , he said. He was on the ground laughing like a madman along with Cindy. Cindy said through laughter, "That b*tch smacked the s*it out of yo' ass with her titty!". "Yep", LaQueefa said carelessly. She folded her Big Mac wrapper and threw it on the ground, before unwrapping another one, along with a Diet Coke.

"Oh yeah, I'm LaQueefa, aka 2 Chinz, the prettiest b*tch on Twitter. I eat while I tweet, that's my motto". There was a silence until she urged, "Well, introduce niggas. I ain't got time to be shakin' no hands and s*it, that's sum white nigga s*it. I can't do that", as she took another bite of her Big Mac. "But, forreal doe, I'm too lazy to be shakin' hands anyway". "I'm Riley aka Young Reezy", he said. "I'm Cindy, the hoodest wonder bread b*tch in Woodcrest, don't f*ck wit my money", she said. LaQueefa nodded her head. "Respect lil hoe"., she said. She then took another bite of her Big Mac. "I'm Huey, nice to meet you". LaQueefa replied, "Likewise", and took another bite of her almost finished Big Mac. "Now who's Mariah Carey ova here?". "I'm Jazmine", she said smiling. Granddad asked, "Who the h*ll is that at the door?". "Ay, I'll cut chu, old ass nigga!", she said menacingly, along with another bite as she turned back around. "Can I stay for dinner?", she said, finishing her Big Mac. "Uh, sure", I said reluctantly. "Coo", LaQueefa said before unwrapping yet another Big Mac. She then tied her titties in a bow so "she wouldn't knock anyone else the f*ck out", according to her.

"A'ight, so what's fo' dinner?", LaQueefa asked. "I—", I said before she cut me off. "Nah, I'm just kidding as long there's food I'm there", she said before running inside before stopping at the front of the house wheezing and out of breath and continuing. As me and Jazmine followed her inside the house, she gave me a small, but noticeable smile. "Can you—", she said but was cut off. LaQueefa shouted from the house, "WILL YOU NIGGAS QUIT BEING ALL LOVEY DOVEY AND SH*T AND GET THE F*CK IN HERE? I'M HONGRY! SH*T!". They reluctantly went into the house.

Read and Review Please! Follow ItsLaQueefa on Twitter for funny tweets about McDonald's, food, school, etc. Reviews are love:)


	2. The Bitch That Came To Dinner

Chapter 2: The B*tch That Came To Dinner

Huey's POV

Me, Riley, Cindy, Jazmine, and LaQueefa all went to the dining room to sit down, and waited patiently for dinner to be served. Well, almost everyone was patient.

LaQueefa was impatient when it came to food and her breasts would start to bark like dogs and attack anyone who was around her. I asked, "Um, LaQueefa, is everything alright?". She said in a jittery voice that would convince someone that she is on drugs, "No, nigga, I ain't!. My ass been waitin' fo' dis goddamn food for almost three minutes!". Her eyes were bloodshot and sweat was pouring down her face. Tom and Sarah just looked nervously at LaQueefa, until Tom broke the silence.

"So, you're who Riley was telling me about". LaQueefa asked, "Who da f*ck are you? Do niggas call you and yo' wife "Half 'n' Half?". "I'm Tom, this is my wife, Sarah". LaQueefa was now on a suspicious rant as she got in Tom's face, "Oh, I see? Black b*tches are too good fo' yo' ass, huh? You chose to marry a skinny ass chopstick then a fine ass black girl, is that it? I oughta knock yo' b*tch ass out with my left titty and yo' b*tch wit my right one!". She took a bite of her Big Mac as grease went on his face and left and went back to the dining room, leaving Tom and Sarah in shock.

Granddad and I came in with everyone's plates consisting of fried chicken, greens, rice pilaf, and grilled vegetables, excluding myself of course. "Ok, dinner is served everyone." LaQueefa sat in melancholy as she stared at the small portion before her. "Can I show y'all a trick?" , LaQueefa asked suddenly. "Uh, sure LaQueefa", Granddad said hesitantly. "K. Errbody close they eyes and I'mma count to three. Everyone does so. "One, two, three".

I opened his eyes to see his plate completely clean, as was everyone else's. I just glared at her, while everyone else stared in shock and disbelief. "What the f*ck?!", Granddad yelled. LaQueefa burped. "Whoo, sh*t that was good", she said tiredly. "LaQueefa, that was so gangsta!", Riley shouted.

Tom went to the kitchen to see that every piece of food had disappeared into LaQueefa's stomach rolls. LaQueefa admitted, "Oh yeah, and, uh, Tom, I also ate all the food in yo' house, too. The same with you, Cindy". Tom asked in disbelief, "How much do you eat?". LaQueefa replied, "I don't wanna say much, so I'll just say infinity. Well I think I'ma go now. Gotta get up fo school tomorrow, bye y'all, thanks for dinner." She then burps again.

"Huey, see you in school tomorrow. Riley and Cindy, you niggas stay out of trouble. And you, Jazzy", she speaks so only Jazmine could hear. "You better tell Huey how you feel, before I eat the nigga with barbecue sauce", she says in a deep, scary voice. Jazmine's eyes widened, wondering how LaQueefa knew. "Night", she says before exiting.

"Um, I think we're going to head home too. Come along Jazmine", Tom says. "I'll be there in a second. Come here", she says grabbing my wrist running to the backyard. "Jazmine, what is—". My sentence was cut short due to the impact of Jazmine's lips on mine. My eyes widened while hers were closed.

_So that's why she hasn't been herself lately. What do I do though?, I thought. _My eyes had finally closed as I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist. Jazmine wrapped her arms around my neck playing with my afro as the kiss deepened.

The kiss broke as we just stayed there holding each other. "Jazmine", I said softly. "Huey", she said just as spellbound. Our silence and peaceful atmosphere was interrupted by Tom. "Jazmine let's go!", he yelled from the front door. Neither one of us wanting to let go, we broke apart as Jazmine went back inside to meet her parents. I pulled her back for one last kiss. She smiled at me. "We'll talk in the morning", I assured her. She nodded. I kissed her hand and finally let her go.

_That was probably the most blissful thing I've ever experienced. I know now. I know that I'm without a doubt, positively, absolutely, undeniably in love with Jazmine Dubois._

_**AYY! LaQueefa bout that life tho. Riley and Cindy will be developed in the next chapter. Reviews are love**____**.**_


	3. Love & Big Macs

Chapter 2: Love & Big Macs

Huey's POV

The next morning, LaQueefa rolled out of bed and cracked the floor, like she usually does. Riley heard the thud and asked, "What the hell was that?". LaQueefa replied, "Oh, I cracked the floor. My bad"!. She also bought a ski mask that was ripped due to her large, sagging face.

She went to the living room to find her mom choking the pool cleaner with her titties. She ignored it and walked next door to the Freeman's. She walked straight in breaking the door and said, "Huey, Riley, my ass hungry, so I'm goin' to McDonald's. Y'all might wanna come, too". "Why? McDonald's is the cause of over 150,000 deaths a year. Due to heart disease. You'd have to kill before I eat there", he said nonchalantly. LaQueefa resisted the urge to choke the shit out of me and went on.

"Shit, I'll go! Come on C-Murph! Reezy, you comin'?". Riley said, "Hell yeah, nigga!", and got off the couch to come along. Huey sat in disbelief and shook his head, ashamedly. LaQueefa struggled as she got in the car. She turned the sunroof on to let her titties get some air. Tyga's "Bitch Betta Have My Money" filled the speakers as they drove off.

_Meanwhile in Huey's room_

_Finally, maybe I'll have some peace, _Huey thought. Ugh, this isn't working. I threw the book I was trying to read in frustration. I couldn't concentrate, whenever I tried my thoughts just kept going back to her. I was going to have to confront Jazmine about this sooner or later.

I left and went across the street to the Dubois family's house. Tom answered when I knocked. You think it'd hurt to smile as big as he does.

"Hey Huey, looking for Jazmine?", he cheerily said.

"Um, yeah", I said, trying to sound bored.

"She went to the hill about ten minutes ago", he pointed.

"Thanks, Mr. Dubois", I told him. Even though he was a pain the ass at times, I had great respect for him.

I walked up to the hill to find Jazmine sitting there. I couldn't lie to myself, she was gorgeous. She wore her hair in one puffball, adorning a red short-sleeved shirt, a black skirt with red and black flats. I took the moment to just look in her deep emerald eyes, eyes I wish I could see herself through them. I gave a small (SMALL) smile though when she looked up and saw me, I replaced it with my scowl.

"Huey!", she yelled running towards me.

"Jazm-", I started, but was too late as we tumbled down the hill. I was yelling for her to stop, but she just kept laughing.

We finally stopped. As I was about to rant, I felt a familiar sensation. Something soft and sweet. I opened my eyes to see Jazmine on top of me kissing me softly. I returned the affection, wrapping my arms back around her waist.

A few minutes later we finally parted for air. The two of us said nothing, only staring in each other's eyes. I hadn't even noticed the red on my face. She let me up after being on the ground for so long.

"Is there something you want to tell me?", I asked her smirking. She started blushing even more.

"No", she said hurriedly. "Um, what do you want to do?", she said trying to change the subject.

"Jazmine, you kissed me twice, I'm going to need a little bit more elaboration", I said.

"Fine. When you moved here four years ago and I first met you, I thought you were the most miserable person I've ever met. But also sweet, intelligent, and without a doubt the strongest person I've ever met. I love you, Huey Freeman and even though I know you don't love me back, I'll never stop", she said truthfully.

"Jazmine…", I started but I paused. I grabbed both of her hands then continued.

"I love you too. At first I thought it was a little crush that I could humor, but it just grew with each day. I don't know if I'm willing to let you go through some things because of my revolutionary stance. There's no telling what's going to happen to me in the future", I said looking straight in her eyes.

"If you go down, I go down", she said holding my face in her hands. I shook my head

"I can't risk that. I can't risk losing Granddad, Riley, or you", I said.

"Don't worry about that right now", she kisses me softly. She then breaks it much to my dismay.

"Aren't you forgetting something?", she asks smiling. Oh. That's what she meant. As much as I hate to admit it, love and romance was something I truly am clueless about.

"Jazmine Dubois, will you be my girlfriend?", I said annoyed, trying not to blush but failed doing so. She saw this and giggled a bit.

"Of course, Huey Freeman", she said in that soft voice of hers.

I kissed her once more before she jumped on my back as I started walking down the hill with my new love on my back.

_Meanwhile at McDonald's_

LaQueefa was now on a rampage trying to get to McDonald's. Cars were turned over as she sped. She finally drove through eight other cars to get to the drive through window. She rolled down the window. "Whew! My titties and rolls need some air", she breathed. Riley and Cindy were still frozen in fear from the drive they just experienced.

"Riley! Cindy!", she yelled, but still nothing. She lifted her right titty and smacked the shit out them both. "OWW! What the f*ck was that fo! You tryin to kill niggas?!", Riley yelled in anger. LaQueefa simply looked on. "What y'all want?", LaQueefa asked seriously. Just as Cindy was about to speak, LaQueefa bust out laughing. "Nah, I'm just kidding", she said wiping a tear from her eye. Cindt glared at her. "This fat ass bitch finna die", she said to Riley.

LaQueefa turned to the speaker and ordered. "Can I get 66 Big Macs, 21 large fries, 84 apple pies, and 2 Diet Cokes…please", she said while Riley and Cindy looked at her like she was crazy. "What?", she said. "That'll be $326.59 at the register", the cashier said hesitantly. "Thank you", she said. She sped to the next window hurriedly. "Bitch! Give me mah food!", she yelled at the server. "I'm not giving you anything talking to someone like that!".

"Gurl, I ain't playing wit chu! I drove through over a hunned cars to get mah Big Macs and I'ma get em' one way or another", LaQueefa said angrily.

"I'm not giving you shit! What are you gonna do", the server challenged.

LaQueefa grinned and before she knew it, grabbed the girl's hair and pulled her out of the window and sped off, dragging the girl along with her.

"Ahh! Are you crazy?!", the server yelled trying to dodge passing cars.

"Yes I am. Crazy for Big Macs", LaQueefa said proudly.

In the back seat, Riley and Cindy were laughing like madmen.

"Alright alright! Here!", the server yelled throwing the food into the car. LaQueefa simply dropped her without saying a word. She threw a Big Mac to Riley and Cindy.

"And that's how you order a ridiculous amount of food and not paying a nigga shit", she said before taking a bite of her Big Mac.

"Whoo! Jesus! This shit is gud", she said happily before driving back to the neighborhood.

**Read & Review Boondockers! Chapter 4 will be coming up soon! Until next time****J**


	4. The Miseducation of LaQueefa Hill

Chapter 4: The Miseducation of LaQueefa Hill

After a crazy and unimaginable, but hilarious experience, Riley and Cindy were now in shock, watching LaQueefa as she ate one Big Mac at a time in one bite. She ate loudly and, in between, took a sip of her extra large Coke. By now, she has probably eaten about 20 Big Macs in 25 seconds. Each Big Mac she ate she never chewed. Upon seeing this, Riley then had the urge to ask,

"Do you ever chew?". LaQueefa swallowed and replied, "I don't chew my Big Macs. I throw them bitches in my mouth and swallow".

She continued savagely eating her "precious, sacred, divine, and anointing" (according to her) Big Macs one by one. She then stacked eight of them and sung before eating, "Stack 'em up, stack 'em up. Watch 'em fall in my mouth". LaQueefa then took a box of small fries and ate each fry in one setting without leaving any crumbs. She then took a few chicken nuggets, dipping them into BBQ and buffalo sauce and ate those, too, accidentally spilling BBQ sauce on her shirt. Riley asked, "Doesn't that bother you?". LaQueefa answered, "No, it happens to me literally all the time". Cindy, now almost emaciated along with Riley, attempted to grab a Big Mac.

LaQueefa rose up so fast, her fat and various flaps smacked her in the face and hollered, "BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU DOIN?! I KNOW FO' A FACT THAT YO ASS AIN'T TRYNA TAKE ONE OF MY PRECIOUS, SACRED, DIVINE, HOLY, EXQUISITE, GORGEOUS, HEAVENLY, BEAUTIFUL ASS BIG MACS! YOU AIN'T GETTING SHIT! TOUCH ONE OF DESE BITCHES AGAIN AND, SO HELP ME GOD I WILL SKIN YO LIL WONDER BREAD ASS AND COOK YOU TO GO ALONG WITH MY FAMOUS BBQ PORK SANDWICHES AND TRI-TIP FO' THA NEXT FAMILY GATHERING! YOU FUCKIN' UNDERSTAND ME?! U MAD BITCH?! IMA GET TA SLICIN! ". She wiped the sweat off her face and sat back down, unwrapping another Big Mac, and eating it, looking at Cindy angrily like she was crazy.

Jazmine entered the house. She cheerfully greeted, "Hey everyone!". LaQueefa's obsession with Big Macs caused wrappers to fly everywhere and one going on Jazmine's face. She said, "SHIIIIIIIT, a bitch hongry!" as she ate some more chicken nuggets with buffalo sauce. Riley whispered to Cindy, "I don't know how she hasn't had a heart attack yet. Or died." Cindy laughed. LaQueefa heard them, poured BBQ sauce on their heads, and angrily continued eating. Jazmine came by the living room and sat. She stared at the awkward and disgusting sight of loud gobbling and munching of Big Macs and chicken nuggets. LaQueefa burped loudly, for the 24th time since she began eating her order. She then stopped.

Riley asked, "What is it?". LaQueefa ran to the bathroom, taking with her some chicken nuggets and fries. This gave Riley and Cindy a chance to eat a few nuggets with some fries. Seconds later, she came back, eating a chicken nugget with some buffalo sauce and sighed, saying, "Whew, false alarm. It was just a chicken nugget in my titty".  
Riley, now overly disgusted, asked, "And you threw it away, right?". LaQueefa barked, "Nigga, hell naw! Are you from another planet? I don't throw food away nor do I give it away, unless it's fruit, vegetables, salads or anything else like that. I just give it away. I ate that shit. It was a lil bit salty, but it was good tho". Riley and Cindy left to vomit, as LaQueefa stood proudly doing the duck face and flipping both her middle fingers. She held up a Big Mac and sang, "Yes, I'm saving all my love for yooooooouuuuu", and ate it with content, saying, "Lawd, this shit is good!". as Jazmine stared with a terrified look.

LaQueefa got dressed and grabbed her purse. She said, "Err'body, I'm going to PF Changs! Huey, Riley, Cindy, and Jazmine y'all comin' with me! If you refuse, I'ma eat y'all!". They half-heartedly came with her, wondering the possibilities of her getting into trouble.

They arrived a few minutes later. An extremely dark black girl came by and said in a ghetto voice, "Welcome to PF Changs. My name's La'bobbiquisharita. Let me get y'all niggas seated". They followed her to a table. They sat and were given menus. La'bobbiquisharita said, "Can I get y'all niggas somethin' to drink?". LaQueefa said, "I'll have a diet Coke". Riley said, "The same fo' me". Jazmine said, "Some lemonade, please". Cindy said, "You got any Fresca?". "Fo sho!", replied La'bobbiquisharita, Huey simply said, "Just a water". "A'ight, whatchu want?".

LaQueefa closed her menu, took a sip of her Diet Coke, and said, "I'll have a Shirley Temple with 30 cherries". They all stared. La'bobbiquisharita said, "Damn, you's a hungry lil bitch." "It's about time somebody understands my fat ass", LaQueefa said relieved. "A'ight, I'ma get those to y'all, in the mean time, decide what y'all finna eat". Cindy said, "LaQueefa, don't be ordering nothing cra-", she looked to find her not sitting. "Where the hell is she?".

They looked to find LaQueefa carrying a bunch of orders for the gang. She said, "Let's go y'all!". They followed her as she carried food that she apparently, but not surprisingly stole. They got back into the car and sped off. La'bobbiquisharita shouted, "Stop those ghetto ass niggas!". She patted her weave as she stormed back inside.


End file.
